Which Shakespeare play has the most S's in it? Because that's the one monkeys at the Paignton Zoo were trying to recreate, obviously. Researchers hoping to prove the old hypothesis that monkeys with access to a computer would, given enough time, bash out Shakespeare's plays on it were slightly taken aback when the six primates attacked the computer, jumped up and down on it, and even urinated and defecated on the keyboard. Clearly those guys haven't spent enough time watching writers at work... Meanwhile, simian researchers report that human scientists confronted with a food puzzle log have attempted to use it as a backscratcher and a pillow. "Given enough time," said the project leader, Chee Chee, "we are optimistic that they will eventually figure it out."