What is an Australian Bearded Dragon? The winner of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest owns one. Marian Simms is also an expert on cheese, as her winning entry makes clear: "They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently."

The Babu particularly enjoyed one of the dishonorable mentions, which should have had its own "Truth in Advertising" category: "As she contemplated the setting sun, its dying rays casting the last of their brilliant purple light on the red-gold waters of the lake, Debbie realized that she should never again buy her sunglasses from a guy parked by the side of the road."